whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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