Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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