There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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