hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
