can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
