Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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