was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
