I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They have beer where we have blood.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
