Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
