When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
