if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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