WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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