I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
