As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
