i already hear my dad disowning me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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