Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
