he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
