READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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