so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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