TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
