I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
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