I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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