it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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