I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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