He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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