Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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