So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
