OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
