Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
