wakey wakey hands off snakey
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
