A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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