I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
