I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
