remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
