How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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