I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
