I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
