garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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