walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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