dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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