WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
