the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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