No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
