Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
