whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
