My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize