Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
