I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
