I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
