I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
