So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
