I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
