Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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