I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're my little dorito
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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