he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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