I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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