Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
its liver damage thursday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
