Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this boner is exhausting
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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