I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
