I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
