i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
