He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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