I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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