we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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