is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
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you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize