so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
